After thinking on it for a week (through my haze of sick and legal - but still mind altering - drugs) it has occurred to me that the general tone of this blog has shifted entirely. While I am still committed to using this forum to proclaim my opinions on collaboration tools I find myself as of late spending much more time thinking on how online communities are affecting me as a person. In fact, in my last blog post I went on and on about my awakening and how I am returning to myself ... blah blah blah ... but I left out a very very important part of that whole situation. Probably most easily attributed to embarrassment, I only lightly skirted over what may be the number one factor in my 6 month loss of self.

Wow, even now, when I have committed to myself that I am going to be real here and face it head on I find myself pausing to weigh the potential consequences of honesty.... denial is so sweet! Okay, I am just going to say it right now and spend probably the next few blog posts really explaining the statement. I was, for the last 6 months ... addicted to a virtual reality... shoot - let me restate. I am, for the last 6 months and trying to get loosen it's grip now ... addicted to a virtual reality. Holy crap, I sound like a loser. But I think that it's true. It took me months to realize it ... and even now as I count the obvious signs of addiction I was exhibiting the last few months, I still find myself having an inner dialogue of complete denial. I mean, I can always compare myself to the other people I met there who were WAY more into it than me... but that is a false and short lived relief. For me, who I am - I was absolutely 100% (maybe even more than that) addicted. ack - I am getting ahead of myself here ... so let me start from the beginning else I confuse someone =P

First of all, the virtual reality I am talking about is Second Life - read about it at the link but I will give a short description of what it is too ... then dwell on it (as I tend to do) until I have it sufficiently out of my system. Okay so SecondLife is this online community where you have an avatar that you can make look pretty much any way you want by creating or purchasing skins, shapes, and clothes. Your avatar interacts with other avatars in this huge user created world - where the environment is only limited by the minds of the people in it. You (er - your avatar) can have a job, can create and sell stuff, can have relationships with other people ... so basically, if you have the skills and talent or the desire to learn you can be whatever it is that you want to be there. Your avatar will never age (unless you want to buy a skin that looks old) ... never get fat (unless you want to alter your shape to make it that way) ... and will never die of hunger or exposure. Just like in RL (real life) there are different status' of people, noobs would be new people obviously and are often clueless ... thus can end up being the brunt of jokes, etc. There are SL-ebrities who are well known for whatever it is that they do. There are ppl there just to have cartoon sex ... and ppl who are there to build, create, and sell. Some people treat it like a game and some people treat it like their real life. I think during my tenure there I skated between those things ... but either way, I became uncomfortably dependant on it.

**deep breath released** ... next post: the beginning.