I am Lame and Weak.
Well, I did it - last night I reinstalled SL and logged on ... twice. The first time I logged on for literally 3 minutes, during which time I received no less than 8 IMs from other ppl freaking out over the fact that I haven't logged on in 3 days. Of those 8 only 2 actually mattered to me and were the real reason I logged on in the first place. One is my SL boss and the other is a guy who seems like a normal college frat boy ... I like them both a lot and felt bad about leaving without saying goodbye.
Well, I freaked at all the other messages and said I had to go ... but promised I would come back in 2 hours... during those 2 hours I found myself NOT looking forward to logging on, it felt like an obligation not fun. Well I did it, and when I came back I stayed for 20 minutes this time ... 20 minutes of frat boy calling me a crazy asshole for acting like I could be addicted to a game ... 20 minutes of my SL boss saying how much he missed me and that if I needed to talk I could always come to him (huh?). Also during that 20 minutes I rented a small apartment from my boss, even as I pressed Pay I realized ... um ... this is contradictory to my decision to leave this fakey world. But I still did it.
I don't want to go back, I really don't - I know that now. Even the 23 total minutes I spent there last night feels like a small death in my otherwise positive and productive day yesterday. And as I lay in bed last night it occurred to me that it is insane to feel "obligated" to a world that doesn't exist ... I have more than enough obligations in my RL. Of course, before I logged off I told SLBoss and Frat Boy that I would be back tomorrow (today) but that my RL job is heating up and I will not be in SL much at all for awhile. SLBoss said to me "So slavery is still legal in the US???" ... haha. It's worth posting about him some other time actually, he is from an Island off of Northern Africa and his greatest RL dream is to move to the US. He is very intelligent and has an innate sense of style that is wonderful to watch... he is one of those SL Business ppl ... all he does is build and make money. Oh, and be my friend ..........
urgh - conflicted - weak - lame. more later.
Well, I freaked at all the other messages and said I had to go ... but promised I would come back in 2 hours... during those 2 hours I found myself NOT looking forward to logging on, it felt like an obligation not fun. Well I did it, and when I came back I stayed for 20 minutes this time ... 20 minutes of frat boy calling me a crazy asshole for acting like I could be addicted to a game ... 20 minutes of my SL boss saying how much he missed me and that if I needed to talk I could always come to him (huh?). Also during that 20 minutes I rented a small apartment from my boss, even as I pressed Pay I realized ... um ... this is contradictory to my decision to leave this fakey world. But I still did it.
I don't want to go back, I really don't - I know that now. Even the 23 total minutes I spent there last night feels like a small death in my otherwise positive and productive day yesterday. And as I lay in bed last night it occurred to me that it is insane to feel "obligated" to a world that doesn't exist ... I have more than enough obligations in my RL. Of course, before I logged off I told SLBoss and Frat Boy that I would be back tomorrow (today) but that my RL job is heating up and I will not be in SL much at all for awhile. SLBoss said to me "So slavery is still legal in the US???" ... haha. It's worth posting about him some other time actually, he is from an Island off of Northern Africa and his greatest RL dream is to move to the US. He is very intelligent and has an innate sense of style that is wonderful to watch... he is one of those SL Business ppl ... all he does is build and make money. Oh, and be my friend ..........
urgh - conflicted - weak - lame. more later.
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