Wondering aloud here ... er ... in writing. So a week or so ago I went all gung-ho guerilla style cold turkey on SL. Uninstalled the viewers, deleted my chat logs, dumped all my SL books (shut up - yes I have SL books - what of it???), deleted my RSS feeds to SL sites ... yada.

Okay, so since then I felt guilty about deserting "friends" ... the very very few I had in world who I really respected and do not have outside contact with. I also received multiple messages through SL from said ppl, and the guilt (or curiosity??? or boredom ???) pushed me to log on, briefly, to allow myself a goodbye. I already posted about one of those times, and I had a big freaky gushy slightly borderline insane post about how I wasn't weak and all this stuff. omg I am a drama queen.

Anyways, since then I logged on another time - briefly - to carry on two short conversations ... one of those times I got caught up by a "friend" who I met early on in SL, from France, who considers me to be a very good friend of his (apparently). Let's call him Pepi. So - Pepi gushes on about how ppl in SL are weird and he has had so many ppl just up and stop talking to him, people who claimed to see him like a brother! he said ... people who were lovers! he said. He said, they don't answer me in world, they don't respond to my emails, they don't even answer the phone when I call! So of course, my mind goes to ... um ... is he trying to guilt me into continuing contact with him when I am out? Not a clue. Anyways, what was notable there is a clear reminder of why I wanted to stay the heck out of dodge in the first place. I faked a crash and didn't log back on (extremely easy out when dealing in a virtual world, btw).

So what's the point? Okay, this is what I am realizing ... my relationship with SL is a slow death @ this point, and the venom I had around leaving or staying is slowly seeping away. Does this mean I was not / am not addicted to it? No, it doesn't mean that ... I still am pretty sure I was in way deep - too deep ... and maybe pulled myself out just in time. Maybe it has something to do with the fact the my RL is ramping up, that my vision is starting to clear, that my professional life has become challenging and rewarding again. Maybe it is that my priorities are returning to me like long lost friends, falling in line easily without any of that uncomfortable awkward reworking. Maybe it's that it is just time to move on ... and my heart and brain are finally working towards the greater good as a team.

Anyway, think on it people. I know I will.
boo-tothe-yah.