Okay, I am going through the cycles of guilt, failure, anger, denial ... yada yada ... over my little back slide last night. That is all self induced of course because I am always my toughest critic. Always.

However, as I alluded to in previous posts ... there are a couple of people who I continue to communicate with outside of SL - lets call them BiggestFan and TheDevil. Now, BiggestFan is .. well I think probably my biggest fan, inside and outside of SL ... there is a lot that could be said about him but it isn't important for this post, maybe more later. TheDevil played an equally large part in my SL and now we communicate regularly via email.... our dealings have been extremely complicated and (dare I say) painful - for me - severly doubtful that it was ever for him. More on that later maybe.

Anyways, in the wake of my log on last night TheDevil informs me in one of our exchanges (mine laden with regret over my quick log on last night) that he knew I would come back to SL because it is like a drug. Dangit, that is exactly the point! I don't have even 23 minutes to spare on anything that isn't furthering or enriching my life. I am 29 ... I will be 30 in like 4 seconds and I will have to look back on my last year in my 20s and remember a world made of pixels. Pixels!

Anyways, I asked BiggestFan if he thought I would return to SL ... he said in a week or two he thought I would out of curiosity but not last night.

Why does everyone think I am so weak? I am not weak. Shoot - even in those 23 minutes I wasn't weak. Okay so why did I do it ... to say goodbye! I think. uck conflicted.